Product Review : Flower / Bud

Sunday Paper by The Turtle Pie Co.

If weed were people, this would be Tom Hanks; it is just indisputably terrific in all ways.
BrandTurtle Pie Co.
StrainSunday Paper
Price Point$75 / 3.5g ($21.43 / gram)
Listed THC33.76%
Purchased07/28/22 from Harborside

True story? This is the best weed I have ever smoked. I’m pretty sure it won some award or something – there was a note I did not read carefully next to the shelf I pulled this off of. But seriously – don’t let the terrible packaging with jpeg artifacts on the text throw you off – this is insanely good weed. Those numbers are low on the potency and cannabinoid profile if anything. This jar could be just a big label that says “fuck you, dave!” and it would still fly off the shelves.

I haven’t had weed where a single bong hit made me lose time in a few years. I had a roommate at one point whose brother was like a very serious grower who occasionally brought over samples after harvest. That’s the only other bud I can think of that comes close to this in terms of overall beauty, potency, and taste. I could smoke this weed forever. Happily. Even though it’s priced like horrifyingly high I am thinking about running back to the dispensary later this week to buy more. And I really don’t do that kind of thing; the dispensary I go to has a deal where they knock 20% off if you spend more than $250 at a time so that’s what I do every time; I spend $300 on a bunch of crazy expensive weed and then see how many weeks I can make it last. The results of that experiment you will not see me post anytime soon. Let’s just say I smoke a bit more than I likely should if I want to achieve maximum self actualization.

Strength : 10/10

Bazinga. Seriously, Dave, I mean wow. This weed made time freeze around me. I was all and then I was nothing. You know how Smurfette must feel getting all that attention? It’s like that only with less male toxicity. So actually not like that.

Really nice high though. It’s like getting hugged by one of those giant teddy bears that you see at the toy store.

I used to house sit for these people who actually had one – the big like 5 foot tall Gund bear that cost like a thousand bucks. It was pretty awesome to lie down in the arms of. Also they had an amazing dog – a golden retriever – and she and I had the best time. There were like huge woods right behind the house which was on a dead end and we would go for wicked long walks. It was awesome.

Taste : 10/10

This smells and tastes like piney and like that GLV smell of fresh cut grass a teeny bit. Also maybe some lime? But I also think that when I taste anything sort of unnamed and acidic that I describe it to myself as lime. It would be cool to have aphasia with smells and colors. I do associate smells to memories like everyone but no so much plant smells as place smells. Like old gymnasiums will always remind me of elementary school and old books reminds me of my dad’s house and my attic growing up.

So I’ll be honest this bud is going to get a perfect score. I guess eventually that had to happen. It seems like I’ve been through enough bud looking for a 10 I was bound to find it eventually. It will be interesting to see how long it takes to find a second. I am planning a trip across country next month so this site may start to live up to its name at some point.

Appearance : 10/10

I can’t, in good conscience, knock off any points for the shitty graphic on the jar or the dumb label in general. Who honestly cares? In a way I think annoying branding can be just as effective as good branding anyways (877 KARS 4 KIDS ?), at least in terms of making an impression.

The photos tell the story. The buds were impeccable and covered in crazy space fibers that are awesome. Everything is awesome. Remember Gleek the Space Monkey? He was awesome.

Overall Score : 30/30

This is the first perfect weed. I feel like I should hit a big gong to mark the occasion or trigger some sort of celebratory explosion. But I will instead just smoke another bowl and contemplate going to buy more tomorrow.