Product Review : Flower / Bud

Orange Juice by Team Elite Genetics

Orange Juice smells like a fresh orange peel and smokes so smooth you'll forget it happened.
BrandTeam Elite Genetics
StrainOrange Juice
Price Point$65 / 3.5g ($18.57 / gram)
Listed THC29.56%
Purchased02/09/23 from Harborside

I know I buy a lot from these guys. As soon as it stops being a good idea I promise I’ll stop doing it. But once again – this is just superior fuckin’ weed. First of all – the smell and aroma coming off of this I could identify with my eyes closed. Like – it smells like orange zest to a crazy degree. It comes across in the smoke as well. But what is really remarkable about this bud is how smooth it is. There is no cough. Nothing. It’s insanely smooth to hit. I deliberately took bigger hits and still it all went down smooth. I am impressed.

The high is pretty jumpy for me. Like I feel good and I could do a little dancing. Maybe slow dancing but still – dancing. Like something at the tempo of Human Nature by Michael Jackson or something like that.

Weird story – that song was actually submitted as a B side by mistake on a tape that Steve Porcaro, the keyboardist of Toto, submitted to Quincy Jones with a single he wanted to get onto Thriller. They flipped the tape, heard the track, and of course now it is resampled in many modern songs. Because a great hook is a great hook and Toto fuckin’ rocked.

Another fun fact – Joseph Stanley Willams, who fronted the band from ’85 – ’88 – was the son of composer John Williams. Also their hit Rosanna is not about Rosanna Arquette, but she was dating their keyboardist at the time the song broke and they all pretended it was at first to make some news.

Enough about Toto. Let me tell you about Orange Juice. Orange Juice is part of a balanced breakfast. It is also the name of this weed strain which is just super floaty and neat.

There is decidedly something about weed with a wide, interesting, well formed terpene profile that makes it stand out against other strains. Where I differ in opinion with the marketing / messaging around this is that we have the4 ability to predict good combinations yet.  I feel like we all just discovered salad after eating only lettuce for many years. So we’re all like – super excited to find all these new vegetables (terpenes) to make salad more exciting. But what also matters in that equation is both the quality and the balance of vegetables, if you think of what we all know about salad. So you and I can have the same salad – by which I mean the same ingredients – at 2 different restaurants, and have vastly different experiences and also – to continue the analogy far beyond reason – vastly different price points.

What I’m trying to say is – this weed is like eating all your vegetables and enjoying a healthy brain as a result. This is obviously science and that is the end of my proof.

Strength : 8/10

Not an absolute boot to the head but I certainly have a sense of false awareness that my feet can feel a little farther around them than is real. Like – they aren’t antennae no matter how hairy they are. Also I can’t remember if I am wearing sandals.

Nope, just socks.

This weed is pretty strong.

Taste : 10/10

This is the category this weed wins for. It’s out of control. It’s going to get a 10 on appearance to but still. Damn. I mean I said it above but this hit is soooo smooth it’s crazy and worth repeating over and over. Like – what is that science and can we add it to all the weed? Because I feel like you would save many lungs.

There’s some award symbol on the package which…

Oh man I just got so distracted and found like this whole other dispensary I have to try.

But the relevant info for that sentence I broke out of in was that there is an award symbol on this box of weed, which seems to be a reference to them winning a Bay Area Cannabis Cup 2nd Place with their bud J1, which I did review a while ago.

The thing I noticed is there is this other place that won in everything which I gotta order some delivery from next round. Very exciting.

Appearance : 10/10

It’s just beautiful bud and at least half of this 8th was just one single big honking bud. I love that, as I think we all do. It appeals to the American in us that built 1950’s Ford automobiles and wants extra sugar on their bacon. I mean it’s a voice we should all keep muted as often as possible but I think it is there.

Perfect, long ass hairs – a forest of crystals underneath – this is like canonically ideal bud. I gush but it is deserved.

Overall Score : 28/30

There is nothing not to like about Orange Juice. I will absolutely buy more of this weed if it is still n the shelf when next I return to this joint. And I actually resist that urge most of the time because you know – I can’t review the same bud twice and I am trying to review as much weed as I can over here. For no reason really. It just seems like fun so far. And hey – I may be fooling myself but I think I am learning a little.

San Dimas High School Football Rules!