Product Review : Flower / Bud

French Laundry by Maven Genetics

A purple mess of goodness. Nice and sleepy.
BrandMaven Genetics
StrainFrench Laundry
Price Point$55 / 3.5g ($15.71 / gram)
Listed THC33.13%
Purchased01/14/23 from Harborside

I’ve never been to the French Laundry. I like me a fancy restaurant and the prices don’t offend me; it’s just never come up. Also I feel like things that are that fancy are challenged to ever be “worth it”. I have a lot more consistent and interesting experiences one tier down.

This is a new brand and a new strain for me. No surprise on the strain. If you read the label in the pics above you’ll see that they cross bred two of their own CA based names and came up with it. I think they try to tie it to being like charcuterie? I wasn’t paying very much attention. The branding is decidedly silly. Fortunately, the silliness stops at the box. This is really nice grass. It almost has like a chocolate or mole smell rather than the more citrus-y stuff I have been finding. And really big purple streaks if you look in the more close up pics.

This bud has a kind of sleepy high. For some reason I also felt at first like my eyes were on springs – like those wacky novelty glasses you can buy. But that went away. Then I think I felt like Eric Stoltz in Mask for a second. Can I say that? I mean I did but was it offensive? I’m just saying my face felt like it hit a brick wall. I’m not trying to trash on Rocky or anything. That was his name, right?

I feel like Eric Stoltz is probably not one of those “fun to meet” celebrities. Except in very specific and rare situations. But like that’s not a guy that takes a selfies at a restaurant, right? He just seems sensitive. Also all that stuff where he got kicked off Back to the Future seems telling. Though if course people grow and he was a kid back then. I’m sure he’s reasonable now. Is he even in stuff anymore? I feel like he and Topher Grace could totally play a believable father and son. They have the same puppy dog eyes.

So yes I like this here French Laundry. Despite its silly box and gold logo. Why do they always pick gold on black? It’s a very strange and consistent aesthetic across a number of different brands. Like also Team Elite Genetics and I think another one I’m doing in a few days call Cream of the Crop.

Strength : 9/10

This is probably one hit and done weed for many folks. It’s got a nice sleepy high. Definitely more of a “what just happened?” than a “let’s do stuff!” kind of vibe to it. I just took a hit right before writing this bit and I’m like having trouble making my fingers do words right.

Taste : 8/10

I’d say the taste is interesting if not consistently pleasant but it does hint of chocolate in its good moments. Very smooth – this is fresh bud and I’m not coughing out my hits or anything unfortunate like that. It has an earthy aroma before it’s burnt. According to my roommate, it smells like bologna from far away. And I have to say – I think Far Away Bologna is a better name than French Laundry. So you know – maybe let’s all think on that.

Appearance : 8/10

No complaints on appearance or trim. This looks hand trimmed (though I am the least expert at knowing that) by which I mean it’s hairier and more fluffy than some of the denser grass I’ve smoked lately.

The packaging is a little unimaginative. I do think that for me, the more cartoon-y brands are more in line with how I think about weed than these serious boxes that look like stereo equipment from the late 1980’s. It’s just more fun than wine, which is what I think premium brands like this are trying to mimic. But yeah – bud like this reminds me of a JVC Laser Disc Player circa 1984.

Overall Score : 25/30

I’ve not a lot bad to say about this bud. While it didn’t top out in any particular category, it smokes well and it’s got a nice hard punch. I definitely want to lie down after a certain number of bowls of it, but hey – it’s Sunday afternoon and it’s raining out. So at least that’s a fashionable and appropriate choice.